She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
My boob is missing a layer of skin
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
