I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
