Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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