areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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