I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
