why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
