note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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