don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
