are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
