we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
