i permit you to call me
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
ok first of all what the fuck
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
