1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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