I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
