If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
