remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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