So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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