So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Let's paint friendship bongs
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
