Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
