I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize