One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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