i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
