kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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