I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
