I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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