ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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