I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
