i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
