I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
