At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
