Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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