So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
