ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
