You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
