Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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