We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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