11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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