I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
