Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
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