I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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