That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
