Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
