Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize