Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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