Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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