check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
