The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize