he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
My ATM looks so different sober.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
