Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
