she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
