I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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