I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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