the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
