If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
