There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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