I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
