btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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