i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
