i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
We need a shit load of segways right now
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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