the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
ttyl tear gas
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
