What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
