You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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