I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
