I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
