I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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