What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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