I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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