pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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