he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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