dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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