Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize