dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
