Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
